


Gotta get out

by Capppixo



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cashton, Coming Out, I didn't mean for this, I'm Sorry, It just kinda happened, M/M, Muke - hinted, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-01-26 08:19:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1681343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capppixo/pseuds/Capppixo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum and Ashton find out each others secret and it may or may not bring them closer together</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first chaptered fic, let me know what you think. Just a warning that later chapters maybe triggering.
> 
> Lots of love xoxox

(ASHTON'S P.O.V)  
'Yay' I sarcastically sighed to myself as I walked through the door to Mr Stump's class. Third period English on a Thursday, while it wasn't always my favorite class, it's the one I'm best at, the one I get the best grades in (even though I don't try).

I looked across the room and caught the eye of Calum. He's the only cute-ish guy in any of my classes, he also happens to be one of the football boys in the year above me, and a really good musician.

He keeps his music side quiet though, I only know cause I once walked in on him and Luke from my music class singing together. He begged me to keep quiet about it, it was really weird.

His eyes looked kinda dull and empty, not like they usually did (sue me, I stare at his eyes during class). I made a mental note to talk to him after.

"Sir can I go to the bathroom?" I heard Calum ask. The teacher nodded and Calum left the room, giving his group of friends a quick glance.  
After almost 5 minutes I knew something was up when Calum hadn't come back.

"Excuse me Mr S, can I please go to the toilet?" I asked quietly.  
"Be quick" he replied as I nodded and left class. I made my way swiftly down the short corridor to the boys toilet and pushed the door open. I was immediately greeted with the sound of a quiet scream and a few sobs.

"Calum?" I called into the empty room. There was shuffling in one of the stalls before a quiet 'yeah, what'd you want' was thrown at me. "Are you ok? You sound upset"  
"I'm fine"  
"You sure?"  
"I said I'm fine" Calum snapped opening the stall door, his arm held close to his chest while his eyes were red and puffy.  
"Did you hurt your arm?"  
"Jesus Ashton, what's with all the questions? Shouldn't you be in class getting your perfect grades?" I watched Calum walk over to the sink and wash his hands.

"Dude there's blood washing off your fingers" I breathed stepping towards him. "And there's some on your sleeve, are you sure you're ok?"  
"Ashton, if you're smart you'll leave it alone" Calum half smiled and left. 

I stared at the door for a few minutes before quickly doing what a bathroom is made for and leaving.

In class Calum had a fake smile on and was talking to his friends, when they asked why his eyes were red he just ignored it and changed the subject but no one seemed to notice.

I watched as Calum left his mates after class saying he had personal stuff to deal with. I made my way to the music room to just clear my mind when I saw Luke being dragged around the corner by Calum.

"Calum are you serious? Again? You need to stop this" I heard Luke whisper shout as I snuck up behind them.  
"I know Luke and I'm so fucking sorry. I really am but, you know what it's like when this happens"

"Did anyone see anything?"  
"Only Ashton but I don...."  
"Ashton Irwin? You've got to be kidding me" Luke's voice was desperate.  
"No it's ok"  
"It's not ok Calum! Ashton fucking saw you, do you know what could happen now?"

"But he didn't see much just a little bit of blood" Calum fiddled with his sleeve as Luke grabbed his arm.  
"Yeah but he's smart enough to put it all together. He would have noticed before you did, he stares at you in class enough" I caught a glimpse of Calums blush before I quickly went inside as they came back around the corner.

"Oh hey Luke" I sang-song as they walked into the room together. "I was wondering if I could talk to you about something quickly"  
The two shared an awkward glance before Calum nodded and hugged Luke before leaving to a piano room.

"Did Calum Hood just hug somebody? Gosh I never thought I'd see the day" I joked.

"Hurry up Ashton. What'd you want?" Luke snapped.

"I was just wondering if you were seeing anyone?" I asked as he sat down in front of me. "It's just you and Michael seem to be getting really close"

"No, I'm not seeing anyone at the moment and even if I was why would I tell you?"  
"Doesn't matter. I also thought since you and Calum are pretty close maybe you could ask him something or maybe just tell me yourself"

Luke shrugged and gave me a confused look.  
"Is Calum like...." I gestured between us. "Gay?"  
"You're gay too? Yus I'm not the only open one Anymore"  
"Shhh I haven't told anyone" I huffed putting my finger near his lips. "I just wanted to know if Calum is or not"

"That's information I am unable to give out at this point in time however maybe in future I will be free to discuss the issue with you" Luke put on his best professional voice and pretended to straighten out his 'suit'.

"And the bathroom this morning, what was he doing?" I whispered not wanting him to hear.  
"Nothing he was just a little upset that's all" I nodded at Luke as he mumbled something about being hungry and needing food.

"Hey Ashton" Calum breathed from the door. I looked up at him hoping he hadn't heard anything I said to Luke.  
"I won't tell anyone you're gay ok? But you can't tell anyone what you saw this morning, deal?"  
"Deal" I sighed holding my hand out. Calum shook my hand and left.


	2. Chapter 2

(CALUM'S P.O.V)  
Finding out Ashton's gay is great, well maybe not for him but for me it is. I've been working up the courage since I found out (a whole two weeks ago now) to ask him on a date.  
I was talking to Luke earlier and he said Ashton was interested but I don't want him to reject me. 

I tried paying attention to Mr Clark who was to busy writing science equations on the board to notice the girls behind him very rudely 'whispering' something about me. I couldn't quite make out anything apart from my name and a few mumbled words like sick, crazy and demented.

"Hey Calum" someone called. I looked up from my notes and saw Brock standing in front of my desk, his arms crossed over this chest. "It's summer why are you wearing your jacket all the time? Don't you get hot?"

"Not really. I actually find it quite cold around this time of year" I stuttered.   
"Why don't you take it off, these girls are begging to see as much skin as they can" Brock smirked as the girls previously talking about me fluttered their eyelashes.  
"I'd rather not thanks"

"Alright class I just need to go and get a print out for you, I'll be back shortly. Brock go back to your desk please" Mr Clark called walking out the door as Brock flashed him a smile as if to say he'd actually listen to something a teacher said.

"Ok, now that he's gone I'm gonna stop playing nice. Why don't you just take it off and save us all the trouble. Or have you got something to hide?" Brock smiled sadistically leaning forward.

I swallowed, closing my book and shoving it into my bag.  
"I have somewhere to be" I whispered as I walked past Brock and over to the door.  
As I grabbed the door handle Brock grabbed my wrist and I winced at the contact.  
"Ooooh has Calum got a sore arm? Maybe you should let someone see it" Brock laughed as his friends pulled my jacket from me.

"What's this? Are these cuts Calum? All up your arm? Who would do this to you?" The sarcasm in Brock voice was painfully obvious, as was his grip on my arm.  
"It's nothing" I shrugged running my hand over them in an attempt to keep the scars out of site.  
"How did it happen? I'm just curious as to who would hurt one of our star football players. Unless it wasn't a who, and it was you"

"Brock just leave it" I heard someone say as he poked at the day old cuts. "Stop it. He's never done anything to you"  
"Shut up Madeline" Brock growled. "If he doesn't want anyone to see and ask questions he would keep it hidden wouldn't he?"

"Fuck off Brock" I snapped using my free hand to punch him in the face. He let go of my wrist so I took the opportunity to open the door and run to the toilets as Brock yelled something along the lines of 'I'm gonna get you, you fucking piece of shit! I'll teach you not to mess with me again' 

I threw my bag on the floor and paced round the room trying to calm myself down before going to my bag and pulling out my blade. 

I could feel the tears stinging my eyes as I turned it over in my hand. 'You can do this Calum, just put it away and walk back to class, you'll be fine' I told myself. Brock voice echoed in my head 'you fucking piece of shit' and it was soon blocking out my own.

After another 5 minutes of pacing and pulling on my hair I finally succumbed to the voices telling me to do it already and dragged the blade across my wrist, watching as the blood slowly beaded over the faint red lines. I continued dragging the blade across my skin, creating bright red lines to go along with the purple ones already there.

"What the fuck" I heard someone yell. I turned around and saw Ashton standing in the door way. "Oh my gosh. Calum are you okay?"

I quickly stood up, wiping the blood off my arm. "Yeah I'm fine, don't worry about it" I walked over to the sink and turned the tap on.

"No" Ashton sighed.  
"What?" I asked running the water over my finger tips.

"Don't run water over the cuts, it makes them bleed more. Turn on the hand dryer and dry the blood first, then wipe it off with wet toilet tissue. It works better, helps them heal faster too" Ashton said going into one of the stalls.

"Um thanks I guess" I smiled doing as he said. I heard the toilet flush and Ashton came out, washing his hands and then wetting the tissue he'd brought out with him. He motioned for me to put my hand out.

"I can do it myself" I stuttered taking the tissue from him. He huffed and went back into the stall, grabbing some more and coming back out.

"Let me help" he growled when I pushed his hand away. I worked near my elbow while Ashton worked on my wrist. "Can I ask you something?" He asked not looking up.

"You just did, but yeah" I chuckled.  
"Why? I mean like, yeah, why? Cause like, never mind, forget I asked" Ashton stuttered shaking his head.

"No, it's fine" I smiled as he looked up. We both stopped wiping at my arm and looked at each other. I glanced at Ashton's lips and blushed a little, looking down at my arm.

Ashton's lips were on mine as soon as I lifted my head again. I felt my eyes bulge as I pushed him back.

"What was that?" I asked shaking my head.


	3. Chapter 3

(ASHTON'S P.O.V)  
"What was that?" Calum asked shaking his head.

"I'm so sorry" I stuttered, tears filling my eyes. "I have to go" I sighed running out.

The last two classes of the day are a blur, my mind still focusing on what happened in the bathrooms. I've wanted to do that for so long but now that I have, I feel guilty.  
"What have I done?"I sighed to myself as I saw Calum walking home, his head down.

~

"Psst Luke"  
"What do you want Ashton? I'm trying to do work here" Luke hissed turning around on his seat.  
"I was wondering of you know where Calum is?"  
"No, actually come to think of it I haven't seem him since last Thursday. Why?" Luke asked  
"Just curious" I answered. "If Mr notices I'm gone just tell him I went to the bathroom okay?"

"Ashton I'm not covering for you. If you get in trouble that's your fault don't drag me into this as well. Besides where are you actually going?" Luke turned back towards the front and leant back in his seat waiting for my reply.

"I'm going somewhere, look it doesn't matter just cover for me okay? I'll pay you back, promise" I sighed putting my things in my bag. "I'll call you later" I whispered as I got up and snuck out.

I made my way to the office and asked to see Calum, saying a teacher needed me to pass a note onto him.  
"Sorry Ashton, he hasn't been at school since last Thursday. His mum said he's sick and she doesn't think he'll be coming back any time soon" The office lady replied.  
I mumbled a quick thank you and began walking home.

'What if he's done it? What if he's committed?' I asked myself. 'Is it my fault? I mean I did kiss him and he hasn't come back to school since. Shit it's my fault' I tormented myself the whole way home.

"Hey Ashton. You're home early" mum called as I came in the door. "Don't you have band?"  
"Didn't feel to well" I shrugged. "I'm gonna go lie down. Call me when dinners ready yeah?" Mum nodded as I headed upstairs to my room.

I looked at the paper on my desk, the few written words looking awkward. 'Dear Calum' I wrote. 'I know I probably can't give this to you but I still want to write it. I'm really sorry for kissing you that day in the bathrooms but I couldn't help myself, you just looked so perfect and the light coming through the window behind you created a halo effect (not that you needed it)'

"Ash" I heard mum call.  
"Yeah?" I shouted back making my way to the door. When she didn't answer I sat back down and continued writing.  
'I know you're probably mad at me or something, I don't really know how it would've made you feel but it must've been pretty bad. I'm just really sorry'

I sighed and looked at the letter not knowing what to do next when a pair of arms wrapped around my neck and the person attached to them kissed my temple and mumbled an 'I'm sorry'


	4. Chapter 4

(CALUMS P.O.V)  
"Shit, Ashton" I called as he ran out. I sighed to myself as I picked up my bag and left. I walked to the office and took a deep breath before opening the door.

"Excuse me?" I coughed. "Um, I don't feel to well. Can I please ring my mum to come pick me up?"  
"Sure just go take a seat in the sickbay and I'll call her"  
I sat on the bed and stared at the blank wall in front of me. 'I need to talk to Luke' I sighed to myself.

"Calum" the office lady called. I got up and stood at the counter. "Mums not home. I can try again later if you wouldn't mind waiting in there about half an hour or so, unless you want to go back to class"  
"Thanks it's okay. I'll just have something to drink and head back to class, I should be fine" I smiled grabbing my bag.

'If I have math Luke has, shit Luke has P.E' I thought to myself as I began crossing the small field to the gym hall.

"Can I talk to Luke for a minute or two please?" I asked Luke's P.E teacher, Mr Wentz.  
"What for?"  
"It's private, family stuff" Mr Wentz looked at me suspiciously and called Luke over.

"Please tell me you didn't" Luke begged once we got outside.  
"No, well yes but it's not about that. Ashton kissed me" I blurted out.  
"Okay so did you kiss him back?"

"No, that's the thing, I pushed him away. I don't know what I was thinking, I guess it all happened so quickly I just, I don't know"  
"What'd he do? Like when you pushed him away?" Luke asked.

"He apologized and ran out" I stuttered. "I don't know what to do"  
"You'll be fine. I'll talk to your mum and convince her to let you have the day off school tomorrow, we can talk more about it then" Luke smiled.

"Thanks" I smiled hugging him.  
"Calum, I gotta go back to class okay" Luke said raising his eyebrows. "I'll see you after school"

~

I listened to the movie playing in the background as I opened google. I read over the articles, opening as many as I could. None of it made sense but I really was trying.

"Mum, I'm going out. I'll be back later" I said kissing her on the cheek before I walked out the door. I pulled my jacket over my shoulders and stuck my hands deep in my pocket.  
'This better work' I sighed to myself as I made my way to Ashton's house.

Taking a deep breath I knocked softly on the door. As the footsteps got closer I got nervous.

"Hello" Ashton's mum smiled opening the door. "I'll call Ashton down, Ash....."

"No" I cut her off as politely as I could. "Uh he actually doesn't know I'm here, I wanted to surprise him"  
Nodding, she motioned for me to come in.

"First door on the right. Call out if you need anything" she whispered directing me to the stairs. I thanked her and walked up to Ash's room trying to calm my breathing when I saw his door slightly open.

I snuck in and watched as he furiously wrote and then shook his head, pulling at his hair. Calming myself, I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing a kiss on his temple with a mumbled 'I'm sorry' falling from my lips.

"Fuck" Ashton breathed, jumping out of his seat and swatting the air that was now between us. "Calum? What are you doing here? I thought you, I didn't know you were here, like coming over here"

"I came to say sorry, so umm, sorry" I shrugged. Ashton shook his head at me, readjusting his glasses on his nose. "Oh you want to know why I'm sorry? I'm sorry for pushing you away when you kissed me"

"You don't have to say sorry, I should be saying sorry, I didn't even like ask or anything" Ashton stuttered picking up the paper on his desk.  
"What're you writing?" I asked snatching it out of his hands before he could screw it up.

"It's nothing, just throw it out. Please don't read it" he cringed.  
I crinkled my eyebrows as I read over the first few lines.  
"What do you mean you can't give it to me? It's not like I left school or anything" I chuckled screwing it up and throwing it back to him.

"I just uh, I thought, you weren't there, for a whole week, I like, maybe you, yeah" Ashton stuttered out still not explaining. "You'd cut, I didn't know what else to think"  
It took me a few seconds but I finally got it.

"Oh god Ash no, I would never. I mean I've thought about it but I wouldn't" I shook my head at him.  
"Then why weren't you at school?"

"I stayed home to figure some things out, Luke helped a bit too. I just, I knew it was wrong to feel the way I did, um, that's not right. Hold on let me just think about this for a minute" I sat on Ashton's bed and ran my hands up and down my thighs while he began pacing the room.

"I knew that the way I was feeling about boys, well one particular boy if I'm being honest, was how I was supposed to be feeling about girls. I tired to like, ignore it but when Mikey tried setting me up with Madeline I kinda knew that I couldn't change it and when you kissed me I freaked. It wasn't because I didn't like it, believe me you're the best kisser I've meet so far, but ummm........" I cleared my throat and looked up at Ashton who was now standing in front of me, his eyebrows crinkled together on his forehead.

"So what, you liked it?" He asked shaking his head.  
"Maybe a little, I don't know I'm still thinking about it"  
"What about trying it again? Would that help?" Ashton's bottom lip made its way between his teeth and he began biting down on it.  
"If you wouldn't mind" I blushed.

Ashton's shrug lasted a split second before he lent down and pressed his lips to mine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm thinking about updating every Monday maybe, let me know what you think
> 
> Lots of love x

(ASHTON'S P.O.V)  
"Figured out if you like it yet?" I asked as I moved to sit on Calum's lap.  
"Almost" he smiled breathlessly. "Maybe from a different angle"  
"Lie down" I whispered as I pushed him back before straddling his waist. Calum moaned into my mouth as I ground my hips on his.

"Definitely" Calum breathed. "I definitely like it"  
"Good" I smiled before sliding my tongue along his bottom lip. Calum parted his lips, sucking my tongue into his mouth.  
"Don't run away again" I paused, sitting up and staring at him. "Promise?"  
"Promise I won't run away from you" he smiled, hands resting on my hips. We locked our pinkies together and let out a short laugh before Calum pulled my face back down to his.

The kisses started up again, slow and sweet at first but slowly turning into more teeth and tongue than lips. Both of us letting out a quiet little moan when someone's hips stuttered, caused by a particularly harsh bite to their lip. Calum shifted his hands from where they'd been gently tugging at my hair to my hips, lifting the bottom of my shirt and running his hands up my stomach.

"Ashey! I made a new frie....... What are you doing?" I immediately jumped off Calum when I heard Laurens voice from the door way.  
"Calum was sad so I was giving him a cuddle" I lied adjusting my now slightly less tented jeans.  
"Okay" She smiled and I felt Calum relax a little next to me. "I made a new friend at school today. Her name is Lux and she tried to take my banana for her Unlce Harry"

"If she tried to take your banana why is she your friend?" I sighed pinching the bridge of my nose.  
"Cause she's pretty and we made flower crowns" she giggles in response, pointing at the one in her hair.

"Wow that's awesome" Calum smiled. "Can you show me how to make one?"  
I watched as Lauren let out an excited squeal and dragged Calum outside, blabbering on about using the pink flowers from mums garden instead of stupid daisies.

~

"Harry your not gonna get smart like me if you don't do your homework"

"Ashton, your not smart. I think I'm going to be okay" Harry sighs getting down from the table. When did my 7 year old brother get so sassy.  
"I'll tell mum you broke her antique plate" I threatened holding the pen out for him to take. He let a huff of annoyance and snatched the pen before opening his book and scribbling down math answers.

"But boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls right?" Lauren questioned as Calum shut the door behind her.  
"If they love each other then yes" he smiled, adjusting the bundle of flowers that are now situated in his hair.

"And they can kiss right? When they get married?"  
"Well they can kiss before they get married if they love each other very very much" Lauren lifts her arms and Calum places her on the chair next to Harry.

"If that what you and Ashton were doing before? Were you two kissing because you love each other?" She says while twisting one of her curls around her finger.  
Calum blushed hard. "No sweetie. We were just cuddling, I was a bit sad but Ashton made me feel better"

Lauren looked at me then back at Calum. "Are you sure?" She asks slamming her hands on the bench and narrowing her eyes. "Because you were cuddling like mummy and daddy do sometimes"

"Okay Lauren I think it's time for you to have a bath and get in your PJs" I coughed shooing her down the hallway. "Sorry, she's...."  
"Don't worry it's fine" Calum laughed. "Hey I have to get home, mum wants me to help with dinner, but I'll see you at school tomorrow yeah?" I nodded, hugging Calum before saying goodbye.

"So you got a boyfriend?"  
"No. Calum and I are just friends. Sort of. Maybe. I don't know Harry, just do your homework"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm soooo sorry, I know I said I would update on Monday but I used all my Internet so I had to wait a couple if days but I made this chapter a little longer than the others to (hopefully) make up for the late update
> 
> Lots of love, enjoy xoxox

(CALUM'S P.O.V)  
"So you two are like dating now?" Luke asks grabbing a plate of pasta and placing it on my tray before doing the same for himself.

"Not really, well I don't think so, no. We haven't talked about it or anything" I shrugged, turning away from the lunch line.

Luke and I made our way to our usual table, greeting people we knew before bumping into one of my team mates.

"Hey Cal, sorry to hear about, uh everything, ya know. But, uh yeah, just keep on keeping on" he smiled, giving me a high five and then heading to his table. Confused, Luke and I carried on.

"So you guys aren't a couple but you've like kissed and stuff?" Luke's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Woah when did I say we did stuff? All we've done is kiss. You gonna eat this?" Luke shook his head as I snatched his apple and bit into it.

"Whatever then" I watched silently as Luke swirled his pasta onto his fork and shoved it in his mouth.

"Hey babes" I heard Ashton say as his lips landed on my cheek. I coughed, choking on my apple as I turned to my left and saw him sliding into the empty seat next to me.

"Uh, hey Ash" I smiled feeling the tips of my ears burn. "I, uh, babes? Didn't know we were, it's a, I like that, um, nick name" I nodded as a smile broke over Ashton's face.

"You do? Good cause I was a bit worried that you would react a bit differently. How's your day been?" Ash rushed.  
"I'm gonna go meet up with Michael. I'll see you later Cal" Luke laughed clapping me on the back as he left.

"Good, good. I had maths with Clark. How's your day been?"  
"Great, better now" Ashton's smile got bigger (if that was possible) as he laced our fingers together under the table before placing our joined hands next to his tray. "So, wanna hang out after school? We could go to that new frozen yoghurt shop down the road from Forever 21?"

"Like a date?"  
"Sure, why not? Every couple needs a first date right?"  
"We're a couple?" The smile fell from Ashton's face as his eyebrows scrunched together.  
"We're not? I'm sorry, I just, oh. Sorry. God I feel stupid" Ashton pulled his hand away from mine and shifted in his seat. "But we can like hang out right? Like just as friends"

"It can be a date, I just didn't realize we were officially together or anything" I smiled rubbing small circles into his lower back.  
"Okay. I guess we didn't really talk about it and I didn't ask I just assumed, it's my fault, I'm sorry"  
"It's fine, really" I shrugged.

"Okay so meet by your locker after last? I can drive us" I nodded and watched Ashton pick up his things before planting as kiss on my lips as he left the table with a 'see you later babe' thrown over his shoulder.

"Not a couple ae?" Michael chuckled behind me.  
"Totally not a couple" Luke grinned.

~

"May I please get a double scoop vanilla with chocolate strawberries" Ashton smiled handing money over to the young girl behind the counter.

I watched from a booth in the corner as she shamelessly flirted with Ash who clearly wasn't interested.  
"Hey" someone said behind me. I turned to the voice and found a girl, not much older than me, her lilac hair twisted back on the sides with flowers threaded through it.

"Uh, hi, do I know you?" I asked scratching the back of my neck.  
"No, sorry. I'm Perrie. I just wanted to say hi, you looked a little lonely" she smiled sliding into the opposite seat.

"I'm actually on a date" I blushed. "He's, uh, he's just getting us something"  
"Oh, sorry I didn't mean to intrude"  
"It's fine" Ashton laughed slotting himself into my side. "This is our first date and I'm not gonna lie, I don't really know what I'm doing"

Perrie let out a quiet giggle before placing her hand over Ashton's on the table top. "Honey, it'll be fine, you two look like you were made specifically for each other, you're perfect together. The date will find its own way. I better go, Jesy's due for a break, good luck guys"

"Finally a vagina free date" Ashton smiled planting a kiss on my cheek. "Here, eat this" Ashton held out a strawberry, pressing the chocolate end to my lips. I watched his tongue dart out and wet his lips as I bit into it. 

"Can I kiss you?" Ashton blurted, his breathing faltering for a second.  
"I'm your boyfriend, of course you can"

~

"So how was everyone's day today? Calum you went out after school, where'd you go?" Mum asked shaking salt onto her dinner.

"Just hung out at that new frozen yoghurt place, no biggie"  
"You've got a girlfriend haven't you?" Mum sighed. "You know Calum I thought you would have told me when you got your first girlfriend. I feel left out"

"It's not a girlfriend" Mali piped up. "It's a boyfriend" Mums hands froze, her facial expression unreadable as she took a deep breath.  
"When were you going to tell me? Don't tell me you're dating Luke, it's nothing against him, just. It's not him, is it?"

"Calm down mum" I joked trying to lessen the tension in the room. "I was going to tell you, I promise. It just, remember when I went out after school yesterday? I went to Ashton's"

"Who's this Ashton?"  
"Mum calm down, let me finish. I meet Ashton at school a couple of weeks ago, and I hung out with him for a bit after school yesterday. That's all" I reasoned shooting Mali a look.

"They were kissing at the frozen yoghurt shop today, and feeding each other stuff, all that sickening lovey dovey stuff, it was gross" Mali smiled cutting into her chicken.

"I think I'm done with dinner" I mumbled pushing my plate away.  
"You haven't eaten anything" Mum sighed.  
"'M not hungry. Anyway I've got lots of homework to do, I'll be in my room"  
I made my way to my room, sending Ashton a quick text on the way.

To: Ashey x  
Wanna hang out for a bit?

From: Ashey x  
Now? I can pick you up in 5, be ready?

To: Ashey x  
Thanks, I'll wait outside

I grabbed my vans, quickly pulling them on before scrawling a note for mum and climbing out my window. Ashton pulled up a few minutes later in skinny jeans and a band shirt, his hair slicked back.

"You alright?" He asked as I buckled my seatbelt.  
"Yeah just, needed to get out for a while"  
"And you picked me for that job?"  
"I want someone that'll cuddle me"

Ashton turned away from me and pulled out from the curb. "Yeah, yeah I can do that" he nodded. "Wanna head to mine?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually like this chapter very much but o'well  
> Let me know what you think, comments, kudos ect.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before anyone screams at me, I stayed up till 4 in the morning writing this (and fell asleep twice in the process). I know it's a day late and it's shit but that's all I have at the moment so.....
> 
> Also thank you so much all for the kudos, it's gotten way more than I thought it would, and please keep feed back coming in other wise I will probably forget about it.
> 
> Another thing before I let you get on with it, if you notice any mistakes or have any ideas ect. Let me know in the comments and I will fix it and/or incorporate it into the story.
> 
> Lots of love xoxox, enjoy

(ASHTON'S P.O.V)  
"Ashey" Lauren whispered. "You gotta take us to school. Come on its Friday pie day"

"Hang on a sec" I sighed wriggling out from underneath Calum. I grabbed the first shirt I saw on the floor and a pair of joggers out of my drawers before making my way downstairs.

"Were you and Calum sleeping naked?" Harry suddenly asked from the backseat as we drove down the road.  
"What? No, of course not" I stuttered.  
"Sure. I'm telling Mum after school" he yelled jumping out the door as I pulled up in front of the school.

"I love you Ashey" Lauren smiled placing a kiss on my cheek before she got out.  
"Love you too" I smiled back.

~

"What the fuck? How does this, ugh, no, stop, just, oh fuck it" I heard Calum muttering as I walked into the kitchen, finding him looking at the coffee machine.

"Do you need some help?" I asked, watching as he jumped backwards, almost dropping the mug he had in his hands.

"I uh, was going to make you a drink before you got back but. Do you even like coffee?" He laughed weakly.  
"No, I don't actually. That only gets used when mum comes home for a couple days" I shrugged.

"I was thinking, quick breakfast then I can drop you off at yours so you can get ready for school. I could wait round and drive you if you want me to" I put some bread in the toaster and turned it on.

"Well I was thinking, like, since we're boyfriends, I could maybe, I don't know, you know?" Calum stuttered, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "Iwannawearyourclothes" he blurted.

"What?"  
"I mean I was just suggesting. I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked so soon"  
"What'd you mean? I didn't hear what you said" the toast popped up and I put one piece on each of the plates I had gotten out, placing them on the breakfast bar and getting the butter out of the fridge.

"I wanna wear your clothes. Like I know it's stupid but....." He trailed off.  
"Sure I'll go get you some stuff" I smiled bouncing up the stairs. In my room I pulled out some black skinny jeans, a band shirt and an unopened packet of briefs.

"Mum brought these the other day" I said handing over all the items in my hands.  
"Thanks, I'll uh, go get changed" Calum blushed walking up the stairs.

~

"Are you sure?"  
"I'm sure, everything will be fine"  
"Okay, just let me put on a jacket" Calum twisted round in his seat to pull his jacket from the backseat before grabbing his bag and joining me outside the car.

"Okay, here we go" he breathed walking towards the schools front doors.  
"Hey" I whispered jumping forward and entwining our fingers together. "We can't walk in together if you go ahead"

"Right. I mean, can we wait a bit. I'm sorry I just, don't, I'm not ready" Calum mumbled looking at the ground.  
"Yeah sure. We'll wait till you're ready babe" I smiled kissing him on the cheek and pulling him into a hug. "See you at lunch?"

"Yeah, see you at lunch"


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *lifts rock and pokes head out* I'm sorry, please don't hurt me
> 
> I know it's like a week (or maybe two I think) late but I've been really busy with family stuff and work but I finally finished it and there's been many 3 AM writings in this chapter so sorry if its absolute shit  
> Lots of love, enjoy x

(CALUM'S P.O.V)  
"Yeah, see you at lunch" I sighed. Pulling down my jacket sleeves, I followed slowly behind Ashton as he entered school.

"Mr Calum Irwin everybody" Luke laughed as I came through the door.  
"Sweetie, leave him alone" Michael scolded, hitting Luke's chest lightly.

I gave Michael a small smile and turned away from them, making my way to algebra.  
"Where are you going?"

"Believe it or not Luke but I don't just enjoy football" I snap. Today doesn't feel like its starting to well.

~

"Psst Calum" Madeline whispers from the desk next to me.  
"What" I groan not looking up from my text book.  
"Where have you been? I've been worried, you could have texted me back or answered one of my calls" she hisses.

"I was busy. Why did you want to talk so bad, it's not like you're my girlfriend"  
"I'm still a friend none the less, I'm aloud to worry"  
"Maddie, just drop it okay, I'm fine, I'm alive, that's all you need to know" I spat pushing my chair back and leaving the room, ignoring the detention threats from the teacher.

~

"If Maddie asked you to talk to me, don't bother" I sigh, watching Alex sit next to me on the piano bench.  
"You didn't show up for geography, figured I'd find you in an empty music room. You writing?" He asked pulling a pen out of his pocket and doodling on the corner of my page.

"Sort of" Alex nudged my shoulder as I shrugged an answer.  
"What's up man, you know you can talk to me"  
"Mali outed me, in the middle of dinner. Sort of. I didn't eat dinner but that's not the point"

"Big deal you're mum knows you're gay. Dude it's not like anyone is gonna care"  
"I care!" I yelled standing up. "I didn't want mum to know, yet. I was going to tell her, when I was ready"

"Calum, chill. I'll get Luke to talk to your mum about it or I can if you want, but everything will be sorted out" he cooed pulling me in for a hug.

"I cut again, before I came in here. It's pretty bad, I made a right mess of the toilets" I blurt before I can stop myself.  
"Show me" Alex whispered pushing me away from his chest. "Show me now Calum or I swear to god...."

"Chill, give me time" I squeezed my eyes shut as I carefully pulled my sleeve up. "Don't freak out" I wince as my jacket pulls the already open wounds apart.

"Calum"  
"I know, it looks bad, but it's not" I rush.  
"You need stitches for some of those man, why didn't you come to me first, we could have stopped this" I dropped my gaze to the floor as Alex pulled at his hair and stood up. "Mate your Mums gonna kill me if I tell her you got stitches"

"We don't have to tell her" I shrug pulling my sleeve back down and turning to my paper.  
"Calum go get in my car, we're going to the hospital, right now"  
"I don't wa..."

"Calum Thomas Hood if you do not let me take you to the hospital I am going to take you home and let your mother do it. Now make your mind up and either go get in my car or replace those lyrics with an apology letter to you mum" Alex snapped pulling his bag onto his shoulder.

After a minute of debating with myself and Alex's impatient foot tapping I grabbed my bag, stuffing my paper into my pocket and pushed past Alex out to his car.

"Can you please not tell anyone, not even Luke? I don't want anyone else to know okay?" Alex's jaw clenched at my question before he let out a quiet 'if you wish' and drove out of the car park.

~

From: Ashey x  
Do you wanna come to mine after school?

From: Ashey x   
Or we could go to yours, you choose?

From: Ashey x  
You left school early?

From: Ashey x  
Babe? You okay?

From: Ashey x  
Calum, please answer me when you get these

From: Ashey x  
It been 3 hours and you havent replied yet, I'm getting worried babe

From: Ashey x  
Please ring me x  
I really really like you x

I sighed, scrolling through my messages in Alex's car as he fueled up at the servo. Ashton was the only one who noticed I wasn't at school any more, or the only one to care enough to ask where I was or how I am. I placed my head in my hands as I felt another vibration run through my phone.

From: Ashey x  
Calum if I have to speak to your Mum without you being there I will not be happy  
Can you please just let me know your okay somehow x

To: Ashey x  
Sorry, been busy with Alex, I need to talk to you later though, meet up at Town Square about 6? Or is 7 better? I really really like you too x

Ashton's replay came in just seconds after I hit the send button.

From: Ashey x  
Thank god you're alive, I'll be there at 5.45 just to be safe x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading kudos and comments are very much appreciated and you can visit me here on tumblr capppixo.tumblr.com (◡‿◡✿)
> 
> Or, if you want to ask me questions about the story, you can Kik me: capppixo


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boo x  
> Sorry it's taken a while but I was Internet deprived :'(  
> This chapter has been ready for about a week and a half
> 
> Anyways, lots of love, enjoy x

(ASHTON'S P.O.V)  
After parking and locking my car I slid my phone out of my pocket, checking it before heading over to one of the benches and waiting.

The more time past the more questions I went over in my head. Why'd he leave early? Why'd he leave with Alex? Who is Alex? Did Alex hurt Calum? Fuck did Calum hurt himself? Did he go to hospital? Please tell me he didn't go to hospital.

"Ashey" I heard Calum call, only slightly out of breath. "Sorry I'm late, Alex was asking questions" he smiled jogging over.  
"Who's Alex?" I blurted as he sat next to me. "I mean like, you're not, he's just a friend right?"

"Woah, you don't have to worry, I really like you and I want this to work. Besides Alex is as straight as a fricken ruler, I didn't take my meds this morning" he hurries out.

"Why didn't you tell me, I could've taken you home to get them. How are you without them?" I sighed putting my hand on his shoulder.  
"Not to good" Calum laughed pulling at his sleeve. "I need to show you something" I shook my head as he shrugged my hand away and pulled his jacket off.

"No. No no no, Calum no, why? Fuck are you kidding? No, no no no, fuck. Okay can you give me a minute here please, I'm sorry" I muttered pulling at my hair. I lent my elbows on my knees and scratched at my head.

"Stop it" Calum whispered. "Stop scratching, you're gonna hurt yourself"  
I let Calum use my hands to pull me to his chest. I cried into his-my-shirt, soaking it with my salted tears. "I'm sorry" he whispered, his tears falling on the back of my neck.

"How many? How many stitches are there?" I whimpered.  
"Sixteen"  
"Was it cause you missed your meds?"  
"No, well sort of, a little bit"  
Pulling away from Calum I wiped at my face as he did the same.

"So I'll drop you home then?" I asked rubbing my hands on my jeans. "I can come round after work tomorrow, I finish at 12.30"  
"Uh no it's okay" he nodded following me to my car.

The ride to his house was quiet, my iPod playing a mix of Green Day and Blink 182 almost silently through the radio. I watched out of the corner of my eye as Calum ran his fingers over his arm, occasionally tugging at the stitches.

"Hey" I cooed catching Calum's attention. "I still really like you, this doesn't change anything"  
"Just don't wanna go home" he mumbled into his shoulder.  
"You need your meds, and you snuck out last night, I'm sure your mum wouldn't let you stay at someone's house on a school night, especially if she's never meet them"

"Luke can bring me my meds tomorrow at your house. How'd you know I snuck out?" He turned to me eyebrow raised.  
"I may have seen you climb out your window and circled the block again before I picked you up" I smiled watching Calum let out a quiet laugh. "What are your meds for? If you don't mind me asking"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" I rush when he visibly tenses and turns back to the window.  
"Maybe not yet yeah? We've only known each other properly a few weeks" He whispered. I nodded and turned into my driveway, watching a small smile form on Calum's face.

~

After tucking Calum into bed and giving him a quick kiss on his forehead I hurried downstairs to the kitchen. I saw mum getting plates out to serve up dinner.

"Hey mum, how was your day?" I asked sitting at the island behind her.  
"Interesting thank you Ashton Fletcher" Crap she used my middle name. "You didn't tell me you had a friend over last night, Harry told me when I had to go pick them up from school because someone else forgot"

"Okay mum listen please. Calum was really upset last night, he needed a friend" I reasoned.  
"On a school night Ash?" She whined turning to me. "You know how I feel about that"

"Yeah I know mum but.."  
"No buts Ashton, I don't want this to happen again" she said sternly, seriousness covering her face. "Now do you want me to set you guys a plate or do you want me to bring it up"

"We'll come down later, I think Calum's a bit tired. Love you mum" I smiled kissing her check and running back to my room.  
"Love you too. And don't mess up those sheets I only changed them this morning!" Mum yelled.

When I opened my door Calum was sitting bare chested under the covers with a smile on his lips. "Your mum sounds pretty awesome"

"She is. You wanna watch a movie?" I ask nodding towards the small TV on my desk. Calum shook his head. "You wanna sleep?" The only response I got was him shuffling deeper into the bed, pulling the blankets up to cocoon himself in.

"Wanna cuddle" he mumbled pulling himself into my chest as I slid under the thick duvet. I nodded wrapping my arms around his shoulders and resting my chin on his head.  
"'Mell good" I felt Calum press kisses to my collar bones.

"I smell good?" I asked running a hand through his hair. He nodded, his breath fanning over my chest as he shuffled impossibly closer and deeper. "Well thank you, now go to sleep before I make you meet the rest of my family"

~

Thump.  
"Fuck it. Ouch, stupid ledge"

I rolled over feeling round for Calum, who seemed non-existent in the sea of sheets. God please let whoever's sneaking in here just grab shit and leave, I'm to tired to fight someone right now.

Peaking an eye open I noticed Calum striping out of his shirt and sweats. "What're you doing?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Couldn't sleep, went for a run. I borrowed some clothes, hope you don't mind. Can I take a shower?" He smiled, breathing heavily every now and then.  
"Yeah, sure, I'll get you some stuff. Where'd you run too?" I threw the covers back and stumbled over to my dresser.

"Oh I don't need clothes, I ran to my house and climbed in the window to get shit. Grabbed my meds too" Calum dropped a duffle bag, that somehow went unnoticed, to the floor. "Mum was sleeping in my room, probably waiting for me to come home, so I had to like tiptoe all over the place"

"Oh, okay. Um showers the next door on this side of the hallway. Are you alright?"  
"Yeah babe. I'm great, haven't been this good in a while" Calum's face was glowing with happiness but for some reason it made my stomach twist. "I'll be back in 20" he laughed pressing his lips to my cheek before quietly making his way to the bathroom.

~

"Always thinkin' about killin' myself, don't you mind?" Calum sung walking into my room, hair wet, dressed in skinny jeans, a white v neck and a leather jacket.  
"Calum, shhh my family is sleeping" I hissed putting my hand over his mouth. "What are you wearing? You can't sleep in that"

"I'm not going to sleep silly" he giggled patting my cheek. "I'm going back out, Alex is here on his bike"  
"Calum, it's....." I fumbled under my pillow for my phone to check the time. "1:30 in the morning, you are not going with Alex on his bike, now shut that window and get in bed" Calum stuck out his bottom lip as I made my way over to where he had one leg out the window.

"If I promise you a blowjob when I come back can I go?" He pleaded.  
"As tempting as that sounds, no. Have you taken your meds?" I asked pulling open his bag.  
"I don't need too. Besides they make me feel wosey and sleepy" I smiled as he let out a yawn and rested his head against the window.

"I'll make you a deal. If you take your meds and go back to sleep you can go out with Alex while I'm at work later okay?"  
He hummed out a response as I shut the window and dragged him back to bed before handing him his pills and a bottle of water from his bag. "Now sleep, please" I sighed cuddling him into my side.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weyhey two chapters in a day  
> Another reason I didn't update the last one yesterday was because I wanted to do these at the same time because you guys have been absolutely amazing at this has gone way better than I thought it would. Thank you guys so much, I don't think there's going to be many more chapters, maybe 5-6. I love all of you and I wish I could meet and hug you all.
> 
> Lots of love, enjoy x

(ASHTON'S P.O.V)  
The blaring of my alarm woke me up but was shut off before I could reach for it. I blinked open my eyes to find Calum crawling back over to the window and pulling it shut. "Morning babe" he whispered looking back at me.

"Morning" I smiled, voice groggy with sleep. "What're you doing by the window? Why are you even up? It's not even six yet"

"My meds kicked in, couldn't sleep" he shrugged walking over to my bed. "Why's your alarm set so early? It's Saturday" I looked up as the bed dipped beside me and Calum began running his fingers through my hair.

"I told you last night, I have work" I rolled onto my side and nuzzled closer. "You gonna be okay today? Do you want me to sneak you home or do you wanna stay here?"

"Oh, I was texting Luke earlier and he said I could hang with him today"  
"Do you guys get up this early for fun or something?"  
"I needed someone to talk to" Calum whispers, his hand freezing in my hair.

"You could've woken me up babe, I seriously wouldn't have cared. As long as your okay now I guess" I smiled at him as I climbed off the bed. "I'm gonna go jump in the shower, you sure your okay now?"

"Yeah I'll be fine. But um, Alex is outside so I'm just gonna go hang out with him before I head to Luke's, is that alright?" He asked, wringing his hands together.

"Yeah sure just text me when you get to Luke's. Or if you need to talk to me or anything okay? I'll check my phone as much as I can without getting fired" Calum nodded and stumbled over to me.

"I got new meds, they're a bit different" he mumbles, blush covering his cheeks. "Have fun at work"

I smiled as he placed a kiss on my cheek. "You have even more fun at Luke's" I pecked his lips and watched him sneak downstairs and out the front door before I began getting ready for work.

~

"Hey Ashton" Luke smiles as he opens the door. I return the greeting before walking inside.

"What's on your neck?" I asked noticing the deep purple love bite. "Is Michael here or something?"

"Um I should probably tell you before you see Calum. He does this thing....." Luke trailed off, the expression on his face unreadable.

"It's from Calum?"  
"They're" he corrects me pulling down the neck of his shirt to revel a handful more across his collar bones and shoulder. "When he can't cut he gets a little weird, it's happened a few times. He just latches on and I can't really do anything to stop him. I'm sorry"

"It's fine" I whisper after a moment of silence. "Mali texted me and asked me to bring him home so I told her I'd get him after work"

"Uh yeah, do you wanna sit down or do you just wanna leave?" Luke looks......worried? Maybe Calum's told him something. Is something going on at home?

"Um I don't mind if Calum wants to stay a little longer"

~

We stayed another hour. I'm not complaining, Luke's a nice guy but when Calum's cuddling with him while trying to bite my neck it feels weird. He shouldn't be in the room when that kind of stuffs happening.

"Wanna go home. To your house. Now please" Calum mumbled into my neck as he climbed on my lap. "Bye Luke" he called climbing off again and pulling me towards the door with him.

"Thanks Luke. See you on Monday" I smiled as I shut the front door. Calum pulled over to my car, all but pushing me into the drivers seat.

"Gogogogogo. Ash hurry up, we gotta get to yours" After putting his safety belt on Calum was back to biting at my neck.

"Babe I can't drive if you keep doing that" I chuckled. "Just calm down and I'll go as fast as I can"

"Well can you hurry up please"

~

"Please Ash, I need you to do this for me"  
"I can't Calum. It's not right"  
"Please" I could see the tears in Calum's eyes before he blinked them away. "This is the only time I will ever ask for this. Please just do it"

I shook my head before letting out a sigh and walking over the the sink. "Calum I. Can't. Do this. I'm sorry but I can't. It's not right, I don't like it"

"Please, just one cut, I can do the rest myself" I felt him grab my hand, interlocking our fingers.

"No Calum. I'm not doing any and you're not doing any" I yelled pulling my hand away. "You don't need this. How about we go lie in bed and watch a movie?" I cooed kneeling in front of him and running my fingers through his hair.

"Okay" he whispered following me out of the bathroom. Calum climbed into bed as I set up the DVD across the room before joining him. We watched in silence as Buzz Lightyear fell out the window.

"I have to go home for dinner" Calum blurted. "Mum and Mali are mad at me. They wanna talk"

"Mali texted me. Do you know what it's about?"  
"Well I left as soon as Mum found out I was gay and I haven't gone back so it's probably about that" he shrugged.  
"You gonna be alright? You can call me if you need to" I smiled placing a kiss on his cheek.

"I think I'll be good. I need to talk to mum about my meds too, I think they're interfering with each other. Have I been weird today?" He turned to look up at me, his chin on my chest.

"You seem a bit different but I haven't really known you that long. I'm sure it'll be fine"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thanks for reading kudos and comments are always appreciated and you can visit me here on tumblr capppixo.tumblr.com (◡‿◡✿)
> 
> Or, if you want to ask me questions, give your opinion or ideas/suggestions on/about the story, you can Kik me: capppixo


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter is complete and utter shit, sorry :/  
> To be honest I've re-written a lot of this because I didn't like what I had but it didn't improve it at all, and I felt uncomfortable writing quite a lot of the dialogue  
> Also don't hate me for what Mali says or does, I don't hate her or anything I'm just sick of seeing stories where everyone's accepting or everyone's against, I wanted to write something where there's a bit of conflict within the family kinda thing (I'm really just a horrible person)  
> I'm blabbering but I'll stop and let you continue
> 
> Lots of love, enjoy x

(CALUM'S P.O.V)  
"Calum Thomas Hood, where have you been?" I let out a sigh, I haven't even shut the front door properly and Mums already on my case. "Leaving in the middle of the night, coming back in the middle of the night and leaving again, and the only thing I get is a note saying 'I'm out'? What were you doing out there?"

"Out where Mum? In the big 'adult' world? Am I not aloud to leave the house anymore?" I snap back.

"Not in the middle of the night with no explanation"

"I left a note"  
"A extremely vague note"  
"I still let you know"  
"Something I could've figured out in two seconds"

"Just fuck off Mum, get off my back for gods sake" You can feel the tension in the room as silence falls over us.

"Go to your bedroom I don't want to see your face right now" Mum growls pointing down the hallway before turning and going into the kitchen. I wait a moment, following her soon after.

"Mum, I'm sorry I didn't mean it" I whispered.

"Get out. I don't want to talk to you right now"

"Okay. We both need space to calm down, I'll be back soon Mum, I'm sorry" I walked to my room, closing the door quietly behind me. I sent Ash a quick text and told him what was happening before turning my TV on. Mum was yelling at Mali in the kitchen so I turned up the volume and watched an episode of TMNT before sneaking out to the living room.

"Well you can leave then, I don't want you in this house if that's how you're going to act. He is your brother, you should support him no matter what" Mum yelled. I leaned against the door to the kitchen, listening in.

"Are you serious? He's gay Mum, G-A-Y, gay. He's disgusting" Mali yelled back.

"Don't you dare call him that again, he is just a normal human being"

"Wanting to have a dick up your arse is not normal mum"

"Well at least you two have something in common now" Mum muttered as Mali gasped in shock. Mum was never like this, Mum never spoke to us like that.

"How dare you..." Mali started before Mum cut her off.

"How dare I? How dare you! You're abandoning you're brother because he loves someone"

"Oh please, he doesn't love him" Mali groaned. My curiosity was getting the better of me as I pushed open the door, looking through the tiny gap I created.

"How do you know? He might have kept this from us for months"

"What kept it hidden like he's kept his cuts hidden?" Mali snapped.

"Mali" I found myself yelling as I stepped into the room. "You said you'd never tell her, I trusted you"

"Well I've got news for you Calum" I winced as she spat my name at me. "Things change"

"Obviously" Mum muttered behind her.

"Mum can I please talk to Mali privately?" I whispered looking at the ground. Mum nodded and left while Mali and I sat at the table.

"You disgust me" she spat as soon as the door was shut. "I can't believe I'm related to you"

"What did I do wrong? Is it a problem that I like boys instead of girls? I wouldn't care if it was you"

"That would never happen. Men were born to marry woman not themselves, what you're doing with this guy is wrong"

"Mali calm down" I clenched my fists under the table to calm myself. "I understand what you're saying and I know you don't like it but I'm not going to change. It's not my fault that I'm gay, I was born that way. If you don't like it don't talk to me"

"I'm moving out" Mali snapped as she left, slamming the door behind her. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks as I shook my head. A hand rested on my shoulders and began rubbing circles into it.

"She'll come round sweetie, it's okay" Mum soothed.

"You're not mad too?" I asked wiping my tears away.

"No, of course not. I'm annoyed you didn't tell me earlier but I'm not mad. I don't care if you love girls, boys or bloody kangaroos, all that matters is you're happy" she smiled.

"I don't love him. It's only been like a week, we're taking it slow" I blushed rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans.

"Does he know?"

"That I'm gay? Yeah I'm pretty sure he knows" I chuckled.

"About your cutting? And your eating? I know you haven't told me but I'm a mother, I notice these things. You need to start eating more hun, you've lost a lot of weight lately"

"I'm eating fine, I just started football remember, I always lose weight during football. And yes, he knows about my cutting. He's surprisingly okay with it, sort of" I shrugged. "Can I go to my room, I need to text him, tell him what happened"

"Do I get to know his name?" Mum teased running her fingers through my hair.

"Is it okay if I say not yet? We weren't going to tell anyone but..." Mum frowned but nodded and gave me a hug before I stood up.

"Hey Mum? I'm sorry for swearing at you like that, I was totally out if line"

"It's okay sweetie. I love you" she smiled. I returned the affectionate sentence then headed to my room and pulled my phone out from under my pillow.

To: Ashey x  
So much to tell you, I don't know how much you're gonna like though

~

"Well I don't give two flying fucking shits about what Mali thinks, she can get over it" Ashton smiled running his hand through my hair. I looked up from where my head was resting in his lap as he sat on the curb.

"Two flying shits? Really?" I questioned. "It's okay though because Mum told her if she didn't accept it that she could move out. She's already got half her bedroom in boxes"

We sat in silence for a moment both of us watching the stars. "Are you a virgin?" Ashton blurts, his hand stopping at the hairs on my neck.

"What does it matter?" 

"Just asking" he shrugged, giving a gentle pull to the baby hairs.

"Are you a virgin?" I ask turning to look up at him.

"Uh, no, I'm not"

I nodded slowly, careful about the placement of my head. "Can I ask who it was?"

"Can I ask what you're meds are for?"  
"That's completely different" I muttered.  
"How?"  
"It's not something I like to flaunt around" I growled sitting up.

"And what you think that being a non-virgin is something I have written on my forehead?"

"That's not what I ment" I sighed. "I just- I'm not ready, for someone, other than family to know. About everything"

"Well maybe I'm not ready either" I winced as Ashton raised his voice, thankful that we had gone down the street a little so Mum wouldn't see.

"How can you not be ready, it's just sex!" Seeing Ash's face fall made me instantly regret my words. "Ash..."

"No, Calum. It's fine. I uh- I need to get home, I'll text you tomorrow" I watched as Ashton got into his car and drove away, his lights disappearing before I finally walked past the couple of houses to get back home and went inside.

"Everything alright?" Mum asked as I kicked my shoes off. I nodded and threw her a smile. 

"'M going to bed" I mumbled, pushing past Mali in the hallway.

~

"Geez, you could knock before you come in Cal" Luke rushed pulling on a nearby shirt.

"Sorry. I didn't realise you had.........company" I blushed turning away. "Can I talk to you? Alone?"

"Sure. I'll be back in a minute" he smiled placing a kiss on Michaels forehead as he stood up. He followed my to the front door where I pulled out my phone. "Why'd you ask to talk to me if you're gonna stand here texting the whole time?"

"Me and Ash had an argument last night and I don't know how to feel about it. He sent me this, this morning" I handed Luke my phone so he could read over the text.

"I'm sorry, please don't hate me? It sounds like he's apologising" Luke shrugged handing it back.

"He doesn't need to apologise"  
"Well tell him then"  
"I don't know how"

"Really Calum" Luke rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "Just say, you don't need to apologise. It's not hard. Now is that all, me and Mikey were in the middle of something"

"Yeah" I nodded. "Oh and Mum wants you to come say hi, says you haven't been round in a while. Thanks" I muttered walking out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boo x  
> Sorry but this chapter is a bit shorter than normal. Also the updates from now on will take a while longer because I've gone completely off the plan I had at the start. If anyone wants to suggest something just Kik me Capppixo. (Please I have no friends)
> 
> Lots of love, enjoy xoxox

(ASHTON'S P.O.V)  
"Ashton, dinner!" Lauren yelled up the stairs.  
"Coming" I called back. I shoved my laptop to the corner of my bed and grabbed my phone, sliding it into my pocket as I headed downstairs.

"Can you set the table Harry, I'm almost done, as soon as Ashton gets here I'll help. Wait, I can only do so much with one hand" I heard Mum as she rustled round the kitchen.

"Stop" I gasped as Harry reached to grab the plates. "You'll drop them buddy, be careful" I smiled helping him carry them to the table.

"Phone Ashton. Quick" Mum called holding said object out for me to grab. 

"Hello" I sang-song into the receiver.

"I'm sorry. I didn't, I-I crossed a line and I'm sorry" Calum rushes. "I shouldn't have said what I said and I'm really, really sorry, please forgive me?"

"Hang on a sec" I shot Mum a smile as I made my way to the stairs and sat down. "Babe, It's not your fault. I shouldn't have brought it up if I didn't want to talk about it, I'm sorry"

"Okay, Luke said you wouldn't do that. Um, listen, I really didn't mean to offend you like that, it just came out, I wasn't thinking" he let out a sigh. He must've moved, causing a rustle to crackle down the line. "I'm bi-polar, that's what my new meds are for. Theres anti-depressants that I've been on for a while but I thought that one might have been a given considering what you've seen" 

"Calum"  
"No it's okay, you kinda need to know these things incase something happens at school or whatever. Plus my new meds are kinda messing up my anti-depressants" I could hear him shrugging through the phone.

"Is that why you went a little weird when you stayed?" I breathed. It was good knowing a bit more about what's going on with Calum but.

"Cause I missed them, yeah. At the moment I'm just really, unsteady? I don't know what to call it but I've been stumbling a lot and my sleeping pattern is fucked. If I snap at you don't take it to hard okay? The doctor said my mood swings might be worse than without meds, we're just trying them"

"Okay" We sat in silence for a little, Calum moving every now and then and rustling down the phone. "Can I ask you a question? It might sound a bit weird but its been bugging me for a while"

"Yeah, sure. As long as its nothing too personal" Calum chuckled.

"What do you think love feels like? I mean do you think someone would notice straight away that they're in love? Or would they have to figure it out somehow?" I said barely taking a breath.

"Um, I don't know. I guess love is one of those things that can't be explained, like the taste of water" I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "If you're wondering about us, it's not love"

"That's not what-"  
"It's okay"Calum cut in. "I've thought the same thing a couple of times. But love doesn't happen overnight"

"Um, Mums calling me for dinner, I gotta go but I'll text you later okay?" I stood up and walked into the kitchen. "I really like you"

"I really like you too, bye" Calum giggled down the phone.

"Not at the love stage yet ae?" Mum asked as I put the phone in its holder. I shook my head, blush rising in my cheeks as I sat down. "It'll come eventually"

~

"Morning babe" I smiled as Calum climbed into the car. I leant over, placing a kiss to his cheek.

"Morning" he blushed. "Luke wants me to meet him round the corner before school, do you mind?"

"'Course not. How are you feeling today?" I asked pulling away from the curb.

"Tired. A little sore, I must've slept funny. I'm a little hungry too, I missed dinner"

"Is that my shirt? I thought you gave it back?" I questioned catching the ripped grey under his black jacket.

"I uh, I did. This, I took this when I stayed. Sorry" Calum stuttered out. "You can have it back if you want, I can get changed w-"

"It's fine. Suits you" I interrupted grabbing his hand from the centre console. "You can keep it, I've got another one"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading kudos and comments are always appreciated and you can visit me here on tumblr capppixo.tumblr.com (◡‿◡✿)
> 
> Or, if you want to ask me questions, give your opinion or ideas/suggestions on/about the story, you can Kik me: Capppixo


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boo x  
> Sorry, I have no excuse as to why this took so long. I have been having really bad writers block lately so the next chapter will most likely take a while. Sorry x
> 
> This is complelty irrelevant: my mum yelled at me for swearing on SnapChat.
> 
> Lots of love, enjoy xx

(ASHTON'S P.O.V)  
"Wait in the car?" Calum turned to me with pleading eyes. I nodded watching as he quickly jumped out of the car and jogged towards Luke a few cars away from where we were parked.

I watched the exchange carefully, not wanting to invade their privacy but also wanting to know what's going on. Luke reached for Calum's arm which he gave up quickly as a smile spread across Luke's face and he pulled Calum in for a hug.

They talked for a few more minutes before Luke kissed Calum's forehead and ruffled his hair as he began to walk away.

" Luke's leaving for Melbourne" Calum smiled as he shut the door and put his safety belt on. "Do you think we could go this weekend, he'll be there for two weeks so we can meet up with him"

"Uh, I'm not one for car trips longer than half an hour" I shrugged. Calum visibly deflated with my words. "But hey, you can go. He is your friend after all, you can still hang out with him and stuff"

"I kinda wanted to go with you. But it's okay, maybe another time yeah?" He nodded sadly. I sighed as I pulled into the schools parking lot, grabbing Calum's hand before he could get out of the car.

"Listen, I really would like to go on a road trip with you I just, it's not a good time for me" Calum nodded again and unclipped his belt. "Babe, can I get a quick kiss before we go inside?"

He smiled and gave a rushed peck to my cheek before getting out and running into the school building. With a sigh I restarted the car and pulled out of the lot.

~

'Okay so maybe it wasn't the best idea to give Calum the chance to change his contact name' I thought as the name flashed up at me.

From: The Best Bae x  
Where did you go? x

I can hear the curiosity through the text. I can see Calum tilting his head as he notices my car missing.

To: The Best Bae x  
For a drive, do you need me? I'll be back in a sec just hang on x

When I pull up at school Calum is sitting on the front steps, head in his hands as he rests his elbows on his knees. A smile spreads across his face as I open the door.

"Hey babe" he called, running over. "Missed you" he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to my lips. "Let's go"

"What?" I asked as he climbed into the car. "You can't skip school honey. You gotta stay here"

"You get to go" Calum pouted. "Just one class. Please" I rolled my eyes as Calum fluttered his eyelashes and grabbed my hands in his. "Pretty please with a gobbie on top"

"Fine" I sighed pulling my hands away and shutting his door. "One class"

~

We head out for ice-cream, and then sit at the park to eat them. Calum only manages half of his before he feels the need to throw up. After pushing Calum in the swing for twenty minutes I finally persuade him to let me take him back to school.

"Calum?"  
"Hmmm?" He responds planting his hand on my leg.

"Did you take your pills this morning?" I ask as he drags his hand further up my thigh. "You're acting a bit different again"

"I took my anti depressants but I didn't take the others" he shrugs.

"Why not? Calum the doctor gave them to you to help" I argue rolling to a stop at a red light and pushing his hand away.

"But they make me dizzy and tired" he pouts. "And they make me un-horny"

"What!?" I splutter. "That's not a problem Cal, you need to take them"

"It is a problem!" He yells.

"How is it a problem? We aren't ready for anything sexual in our relationship yet. There is nothing you need to be horny for" I reason.

"Do you not like me anymore?" Calum whimpered, tears in his eyes. Sighing, I pulled over and turned to him.

"It's not that, I like you a lot okay. It's just we've only been together a few weeks, we don't need sex or even handjobs yet, we can wait right?"

"You don't want sex?"  
"Well not yet, no. It can be like an anniversary present"

"Yeah, sure" Calum sighed hanging his head.

"And I hate to do this but if you don't start taking your pills properly you're going to leave me no choice but telling your mother" I whispered. "Promise you'll take all of them every morning?"

"I shall seal this promise with a kiss" he giggled pressing his lips to mine. "Now get me back to school before I miss another class Mr BadBoy"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is shit, I know an I apologise xx
> 
> As always thanks for reading kudos and comments are always appreciated and you can visit me here on tumblr capppixo.tumblr.com (◡‿◡✿)
> 
> Or, if you want to ask me questions, give your opinion or ideas/suggestions on/about the story, you can Kik me: Capppixo


	14. Important Authors Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not a chapter but it is in regards to the continuation of the story so please read xx

Hey.

Sorry, this isn't an update. I just wanted to let you guys know that I am most likely not going to finish this fic.

When I started writing this nearly 2 years ago I was basing Calum's character on myself. It was just a way for me to express my feelings without actually having to talk to people. It wasn't initially going to be published on here, but since it has I've had a lot of changes happen in my life.

I have been clean for almost a year now and no longer feel comfortable writing this kind of story as I feel like it would interfere with my recovery. If anyone wants to take over, then let me know and we can sort something out, I honestly don't mind.

I just want to thank every single one of you so much for all the hits, comments and kudos, they actually helped more than you think.

I will continue writing (I have one in the works at the moment), just not Gotta Get Out.

Lots of love xx  
Capppixo


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